Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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