I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
