Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
worst night to have a conscience
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
