just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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