I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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