do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
