im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
