i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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