This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
