question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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