dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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