I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
