what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
