Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
