I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
