so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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