Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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