there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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