oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
