remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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