just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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