I'm going to jail i love you
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
