did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
