thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
