His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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