he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
