the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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