K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
