Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
