take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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