There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
