Your mouth is God's brothel.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
