Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
did i just pee glitter
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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