All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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