apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
