I need help removing her.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
