I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
