dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
