I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
