his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
porn star boner night. come get it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
