We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
