Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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