So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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