shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
