Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
