hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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