It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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