He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
