I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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