I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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