He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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