i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
