he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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