ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
